My experience growing up in a certain denomination was one of conviction. I never felt the once saved always saved feeling in my heart. I always felt that I could not make it through a single day without messing up, so I needed to continually start my relationship with God over again through baptism. When you are always starting over, it does not allow you to go deep.
The truth is I still mess up every single day. Somedays, I am still plagued by my upbringing and feel I can never be good enough for God to love me.
I am just being real and vulnerable here in case anyone feels the same.
It is hard to overcome.
Recently, I knew I was living outside of God’s will for my life. I was not showing up in a way that would allow others to see Jesus in me. Satan slowly began to whisper his sweet lies to me. Everyone else is. You are no different from. The thing is I knew better deep in my soul. Yet, I dismissed the angst in my own heart and continued on my own path. After a while, I began to wonder why God had gone silent. Funny, huh? I was not listening, so He stopped talking and I wondered why.
I can tell you that being separated from God is the loneliest I have ever felt in my life.
I began to ponder that maybe I needed to start over with God yet again. I even messaged my church. When I did that, God began to show me the way back to Him.
I heard that still small voice inside of me saying, “It’s not baptism that you need but rather repentance. Repentance is a daily journey.” I have needed to hear those words my entire life! Maybe you needed to hear them as well.
I began to draw nearer to the path that I knew was right little by little day by day. Today something divine happened. I was driving and listening to worship music when the exact song that I needed to hear played. My heart softened and there alone in my car my hand raised, and my eyes leaked. I felt a warmth cover me from head to toe and suddenly I knew I had been covered by grace, mercy, and total redemption. Nothing about me felt broken but rather I felt whole. I feel whole. I am whole. Completely forgiven. Loved so much that God reached down from Heaven and held me as I drove.
His love does not leave us. We leave Him …while He waits to welcome us back.
I don’t own the rights to this music but wanted to provide the link to what was playing when God embraced me this morning.
I pray you feel His touch as I did this morning.
Until Next Time,
C
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