Hey pretty girl - then and now. Yes, you. I made you so I know. It is so good to see you coming out, showing up, being a bold light on a hill. I am so proud of how far you have come. Look at you in the bottom right. You had already learned to be ashamed and to hide. I think you might have been 11 years old. You felt so unlovable. You tried to shrink so the world would not see you. You hated your teeth. You hated your smile. You hated your clothes. You hated that they always smelled of smoke. You snuck your mom's perfume to try to mask the smell of her cigarettes. You felt even worse about yourself lying and stealing even a spray of your mom's perfume. You hated always being compared to your "pretty sister." Do you remember how you felt in this photo? Would uncomfortable be accurate?
Then, right above that photo is another many years later. You were still holding onto the belief that you weren't enough. Still unlovable. Still not perfect. Still punishing yourself. Still Weighting...
Let's talk about that. Weighting. You have been thin. You have been heavy. In your life, the one thing you always felt you had control over was the scale, and you have clung to it.
Not that long ago, I watched as you followed your long-standing morning routine. You woke and immediately went to the scale and hated on yourself. You then walked into your closet full of clothes that did not fit you and that you did not like. Walking into your closet was a punishment. Your closet was your prison. You felt that you did not deserve better. You needed to attain a certain weight and size before you were worthy.
Yet, you actually felt sexier than you ever had! Yes Girl!!! I was cheering so loud for you. You loved the way your husband LOVED your curves. You started appreciating your body instead of hating it. I dare say you loved the pleasure that being in your very body brought you. You allowed yourself to feel good instead of bad. I stood back and watched as life filled you. You had things to say that no one could hear if you were hiding in your closet - things I created you to say!
I loved seeing you take charge! You were on fire as you grabbed garment after garment and tossed it into a pile until there was nothing left. It was your own jubilee moment. You smiled as you knew it was MY garment not your own that made you clean and worthy and lovable.
Seeing you on the left, showing your face...seeing your confidence. Choosing to love yourself in the moment rather than WEIGHTING to live is a beautiful thing!
All the words that you have held back for fear of being seen have been given their freedom as you have embraced your own.
I cannot wait to see you shine!
Love,
Dad
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